I have had to take a look at my motives lately, and it has been good to do so. I am what some may term a “religious zealot”. I find it funny that anyone would consider me thusly, but here I sit in my Bible box. I don’t have a social group (anymore). I don’t go to an office outside my home except once a month for a couple days. If I don’t do family shopping, I don’t really leave my home anymore. I am not complaining about it, it just is what it is. I read only one book for like 10 years of my life: the Bible. I read it in multiple translations, on a cover-to-cover every three month schedule for three of those years, and a little less formally for another three… In that decade, other books just didn’t hold my interest.
I have strong beliefs as a result of reading the Bible, and a mostly Biblical world view. I say mostly because the minute I declare I have a 100% Biblical worldview, that’s the moment I will find out that I don’t – and it will hurt. If I continue to say mostly, I find God is more gentle with me when I get corrected. People have come to me over the years and asked about my favorite book. They have said they wanted to read it with me, or learn what I have learned. I have been given a bit of understanding. I’m not claiming to be a scholar by any means. Most of what I have learned I found by reading, praying and asking questions of people who read, pray and ask questions. I have asked God about many things I didn’t understand, and He answered me several times directly. (Some people might think that’s nuts – but the scriptures that quickly come to mind are John 14:26, 1 John 2:27) A couple of my friends are pastors – and pastors do not intimidate me on the Bible. Actually pastors don’t really intimidate me on anything – I like them (usually). In the past, I used to be intimidated by pastors, until I read the Bible for myself and hung out with a few of them.
I was a child raised in witchcraft. I studied metaphysical books and workbooks. I played with tarot cards, ouiji boards, crystals, numerology, talismans, astrology and more. I did full moon rituals and celebrated holidays on the solstices and equinoxes. I cast spells and attempted to remake reality by inviting things in or willing things into existence. I met a lot of interesting and non-well-adjusted people of every background. I was exposed to racial, sexual, and transexual diversity in the late 70’s and early 80’s before it was mainstream or politically correct. We had family friends of all stripes. I had access to drugs, alcohol, pornography, and money. The first time I ever did cocaine was with my step-father. My parents and I got stoned prior to flying across the country one time, and another time, my parents and high school girlfriend drank & drove ourselves from the wine country, to extreme Northern California, and down to San Diego.
Being raised, such as I was, I should not have found the Bible. I was raised to believe it was a book of “Jewish fairytales”. I never met a Christian that wasn’t a colossal hypocrite, or a non-intelligent lemming. I remember one time in 1989-90, going to a community college. I would sit outside and draw cartoons in a big sketch book. These church types would always approach me and try to talk to me about God or Jesus. It was really annoying – and I always told them “not for me”. One day, I got a haircut, (my hair had been long for awhile), and I noticed that they stopped trying to talk to me. Coincidence? Maybe. Who knows? in early 1993 I had a pretty radical experience that changed my life forever involving listening to a sermon on tape and taking an altar call in my truck… There were a series of events which led up to that point which included: a near death experience, hitting a bottom, finding a program, becoming open minded, moving to Texas, surrendering a religion, studying a lot of different belief systems, doing a lot of writing, meeting a biological parent, joining a book study and taking a job in extreme Northern California. It was in short a miracle (for me). I did not study the Bible in sincerity for nearly 20 years after that… I went to school for a degree to get a job and then pursued a career. It really wasn’t until my kids were born that I got serious about my faith. I had a testimony, and I could talk about it – but I didn’t have an understanding of the nature of God. A pastor called that out in me at a coffee shop in 2010 – and as a result, it changed my life forever.
Some people say I take everything too serious. I say, I spent my entire youth not taking anything serious at all and doing whatever I wanted, pretty much whenever I wanted to. I lived hard, fast, dangerous, and crazy. I took more risks than I can even remember. I almost died many times. I was transformed from useless to useful by living a program which introduced me to a God (that I didn’t understand). I was transformed again by studying God’s word and hanging out with Him. I continue to be transformed by a relationship with said God as I understood him (always in the past tense, least I try to mold the God of my future from the God of my past – ie. put God in a box). I believe we are living in the “end times”, that things are going to get a lot worse for everyone. I believe it is vitally important to know God at this time in history. For those who choose to know the God I met, I hope you find time to read and hang out with Jesus. For others, those who are still searching, I hope you take some time to read the Bible and study what Jesus claimed for yourself. The Jesus I encountered didn’t say to get a “Christ consciousness” and transcend reality to another higher plane of existence where you will become a master and will things into existence – that was what the occult said. The Christ I read about says that He didn’t come into the world to judge the world, but so that the world would be saved through Him. Christians shouldn’t be judging you, because the Bible says you are judged by God for not believing in the one that God sent. You may have seen John 3:16 written somewhere – but what I just wrote can be found in John 3:17-18.
I don’t have time for purely social activities. I used that time up a long time ago. I have a commission. There is a race I have begun, and I want to finish it strong. I want to see others finish the race as well. My Mom died about a year ago. She didn’t run the same race as me. I don’t think it will be restful for her – but she is no longer here to discuss it with. I always thought we would have more time. I don’t intend to live the rest of my life thinking that about the people who come into my orbit – I choose to remain a religious zealot in the eyes of the world – because I will have to one day give an account for my life, because my life is not my own, I was purchased for a price – the highest price ever paid by anyone for anything. My kids don’t get to look up their ‘sign’ – why would I allow it? I came from knowing my sign – but not knowing how to interpret the signs of the times. I came from darkness into an awesome light – I had the weight of my life removed in an instant – and I have received a new identity. I truly believe that there is no other way for me – other people may find another way for them – but as for me and my house, we’re sticking to the way that led me out of chaos, death and destruction and into a new way of life.
If you have been putting off getting more real with your God, it’s time to change your mind and get on it. Take a look at the signs – they’re everywhere.
